Yet again

I want...I want it as far away from me as possible....and yet I want it to be a part of me. No one can understand. I didn't expect anyone to be able to...but I had hoped...that maybe..someone could at least be able to relate in another fashion. But it doesn't work like that either. Because no one stays on the top of a fence post for very long...and once you fall- your bias. And everything goes back to not being able to understand. I have so many thoughts going through my head- not like you'd understand- but I wish I had someone to bounce them off of- get someone's ideas, not of their own ideas, but of my ideas. Because I have severe issues with trying to do things by myself. Few people in and of itself understand what it's like to feel this power welling up inside of them...begging for use. Knowing that this power isn't completly under your control- but subject to the whims of the balance. And your it's portal. As it's portal it will allow you the favor to think that 95% of the time, you are in charge of it. But when a dog attacks it's master, the master is no longer the one in charge, dispite what he may think. Noone knows what's it's like to have the protection you once had end up being the enemy- because you never grew strong enough to take on what you needed to grow with, and now that it's gone- your left with a weaker you, and an ever stronger enemy. In your own home. Noone knows what it's like to be having to make these decisions knowing, that not only do they effect you- but the people that you are allowed to assosiate with- because you are in everyway but physically tied to these people. No one knows what it's like to know something that you don't want to know- and want rid of so badly- and so long as you know that information, you are tied to certian people, with a certian life style, and are in danger- and you know no way of getting rid of that information. And there hasn't been anyone before you to tell you how. I wish I could just work out some comprimise between these two ENEMYS. But....I have no one to help me figure this out. Because no one knows what it's like to have all this crashing down upon them at once. And I want help. But I can't get it anywhere. And I could easily rant about it for hours, because my head has been doing it for three days- but I can't...I just can't....I can't do this